The #1 Secret to Being a Favorite Aunt (It's Not About the Baby)

When a new baby arrives, it is natural for all the love and attention to focus on them. You spend your time buying cute outfits, mastering the perfect cuddle, and learning what makes them giggle. It is easy to get completely lost in the wonderful bliss of your new niece or nephew.

But what if the most powerful way to show love for that baby is not just by focusing on them? What if the real secret to being a favorite aunt lies in caring for someone else entirely? The surprising truth is that the best thing you can do for the baby is to support the new parents.

Why Supporting Parents is the Real Secret

New parents are often exhausted, overwhelmed, and running on empty. A calm, happy baby needs calm, supported parents. When you help the parents feel rested and cared for, you directly improve the baby’s entire environment and well-being.

When a new baby arrives, the whole family system is put under a lot of stress. The best way to keep the whole structure strong is to support its foundation. In my book, Auntie of the Year, I highlight this crucial, often overlooked, aspect of aunthood:

“Parenthood is overwhelming, especially in the first few months. Even if your focus is mostly on the baby, do not forget the parents.”

When you take care of the parents, you are giving the most important gift possible to your niece or nephew. You are giving them parents who have the energy and emotional space to be the best caregivers they can be.

4 Practical Ways to Support New Parents

The best kind of support is practical, specific, and does not require any mental energy from the new parents. Your goal should be to anticipate their needs so they do not have to come up with a task list for you.

Here are four practical ways to be a huge help:

Bring Food (Always Bring Food): Show up with a hot meal they can eat right away, a bag of their favorite snacks, or offer to order food delivery. Taking the task of making a meal off their plate is a lifesaver.
Do One Small Chore Without Asking: Do not say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, just quietly do something helpful. Empty the dishwasher, fold a basket of baby clothes, or take out the trash.
Be a Good Listener: Make a point to ask the parents how they are really doing, and then listen without judgment. As suggested by HealthyChildren.org, having a safe space to vent about stress is vital for parental mental health.
Be the Official “Baby Holder”: When you visit, your primary job is to take care of the baby so the parents do not have to. Insist that they go take a nap or a long shower (a concept we touched on in Why a 20-Minute Visit is Better Than a 3-Hour Stay regarding giving parents a “micro-break”).

How to Help Without Overstepping

The key is to be a low-maintenance, helpful presence. Your goal is always to reduce their stress, not add to it. The difference is between being a “guest” and being “help.”

A guest needs to be hosted and entertained. “Help,” on the other hand, shows up, quietly does what needs to be done, contributes more than they consume, and does not expect anything in return. To avoid overstepping, communicate clearly. A quick text like, “Thinking of you! I can drop off some healthy snacks this afternoon if that works?” is always better than just showing up unannounced.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if the parents say they do not need any help?

Many new parents feel like they have to do it all themselves and have a hard time accepting help. Instead of asking a vague question like “Do you need anything?”, try making a specific offer. Saying “I am bringing dinner on Tuesday, is 6pm okay?” is much easier for a proud new parent to say “yes” to.

What is the best thing to say to a new mom who is struggling?

The most helpful things are often the simplest. Phrases like “You are doing such a great job,” “This is really hard, and you are handling it so well,” or just “I am here for you” can be incredibly validating and reassuring.

Should I give parenting advice?

It is almost always best to avoid offering unsolicited parenting advice, even if you are trying to be helpful. New parents are often overwhelmed with conflicting information. The best support you can offer is your non-judgmental encouragement and your practical help, not more instructions.