The "Chore" Trick: An Aunt's Guide to Bonding During Diaper Changes

As an aunt, you probably look forward to the “fun” parts of your visit: the cuddles, the playtime, and the giggles. You might see a diaper change or a feeding as just the “chore time” you have to get through to get back to the fun.

But what if those “chores” were actually the most powerful bonding moments in disguise? What if an aunt’s guide to bonding during diaper changes didn’t just involve speed, but connection? This is the “chore” trick: learning to see these moments as the perfect, built-in opportunity to build a deep, lasting connection.

Why “Chore Time” is a Secret Bonding Goldmine

Diaper changes and feedings are a goldmine because they are one-on-one, focused, and predictable. During these moments, the baby is your captive audience. This gives you a repeated, quiet opportunity to use the most powerful bonding tool you have: your voice.

A baby’s brain is wired to love the human voice. The simple, rhythmic sound of you talking during routine care makes them feel safe, seen, and connected. In my book, Auntie of the Year, I explain how to turn these everyday tasks into brain-building moments:

“Babies love hearing the rhythm of your speech… Talking during diaper changes, bath time, and feedings turns everyday moments into bonding opportunities and supports early brain development.”

You are not just “changing a diaper.” You are giving that baby your undivided attention, and the sound of your voice is teaching their brain about language and trust. This is the true “chore” trick: turning a mundane task into a meaningful connection.

How to Use the “Chore” Trick

The goal is to “narrate your world.” Talk to the baby in a warm, gentle, sing-song voice. It does not matter what you say; it only matters that you are connecting with them.

Here is how to master this routine:

Narrate the “Chore”: Talk them through the process. “Okay, let’s get this diaper. Ooh, those are some cute little feet! Now we get the wipes. So clean! And… all done!” This turns a functional task into a warm, social interaction that boosts language development.
Make Gentle Eye Contact: As you talk, make soft, gentle eye contact. When they coo or gurgle, pause and respond as if you are having a real conversation. This face-to-face interaction builds their social confidence.
Use Soothing, Rhythmic Touch: Combine your voice with a predictable touch. Gently rub their tummy, or stroke their hair as you talk. This combines the comfort of your voice with the comfort of your touch.

Curious about the science behind this? You can read more about how these “serve and return” interactions build brain architecture at Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child.

This is a skill you can master, just like the soothing techniques we covered in The Aunt’s Guide to the Perfect Cuddle

Frequently Asked Questions

What if the baby fusses and cries during the diaper change?

This is very normal. Many babies do not like the cold air or the feeling of being changed. The goal is not to stop them from crying, but to soothe them through it. Keep your voice calm and reassuring. Say, “I know, it’s cold! We’re almost done. You are okay.” Your calm voice is what teaches them that even when they are upset, you are a source of comfort.

Does this work for bottle-feeding, too?

It works perfectly for bottle-feeding. Instead of turning on the TV or scrolling on your phone, use that 20 minutes to gaze at the baby, talk to them softly, and let them hold your finger. This turns feeding time from a simple chore into one of the most powerful and intimate bonding sessions you can have.

I am just visiting. Should I really be changing diapers?

This is one of the greatest gifts you can give the new parents. When you say, “I’ll take this diaper change,” you are giving the parents a 10-minute break. You get a one-on-one bonding moment, and the parents get to see you as a true, hands-on partner. It’s a win-win.