We have all seen it. A family is together, but they are not really together. Everyone is half-distracted by the ping of a notification, the buzz of a text message, or the endless scroll of social media. It is just a normal part of our busy, modern lives.
But what does that distraction cost us when it comes to connecting with the new baby in our lives? And what is the simplest, most powerful gift you can give your niece or nephew? The answer is your undivided attention. Putting away your phone and being fully present makes a much bigger impact than you might realize.
Why is my undivided attention so important to a baby?
Direct Answer: Your undivided attention is important because it is how a baby learns that they are seen, valued, and important. When you are focused only on them, it helps to build their self worth and strengthens their sense of security. A baby can feel the difference.
Evidence: Babies are constantly learning about relationships through small interactions. When a baby coos or looks at you, they are “serving” you an invitation to connect. When you are not distracted, you can “return” that serve with a smile or a word. In my book, Auntie of the Year, I stress how this simple act is a key to a strong relationship:
“When you visit, put away your phone and distractions. Your full attention makes a bigger impact than you realize.”
This back and forth interaction is vital for a baby’s healthy development. It literally helps to build the architecture of their brain. When you are distracted, you are more likely to miss their “serves,” and a potential moment of connection is lost.
What does being “fully present” actually look like with a baby?
Direct Answer: Being fully present means engaging your senses and focusing completely on the baby in front of you. It is about the quality of your focus, not the quantity of your time.
Evidence: You do not need to plan a complicated activity to be present. You just need to be intentional. Here are four simple ways to practice being present during your next visit:
- Silence Your Phone: The simplest step is to put your phone on silent. An even better step is to leave it in your bag or in another room. This removes the temptation to glance at it.
- Make Meaningful Eye Contact: When the baby looks at you, meet their gaze. Let them see your warm, smiling eyes. This is a powerful, nonverbal way of saying, “I see you, and I am here with you.”
- Narrate Their World: Talk about what the baby is doing, seeing, or touching. “Oh, you are looking at the red block!” or “You have your toes in your mouth!” This shows them that you are paying close attention to their world.
- Mirror Their Expressions: If they give a little frown of concentration or a big, open mouthed yawn, mirror it back to them playfully. This is a fun and simple form of nonverbal connection that shows you are in sync with them.
This sounds great, but it is hard to do. How can I make being present a habit?
Direct Answer: The goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to create a new, intentional routine around your visits where being present is the natural first step.
Evidence: Try creating a simple “arrival ritual.” When you first walk in the door to visit, make it a habit to put your phone on silent and place it in your bag. Make the first part of every visit dedicated to warm hellos and getting settled in without a screen being part of the picture.
You could also designate “floor time” as “phone-free time.” When you are down on the blanket playing, make that a sacred space for connection. By linking the habit of being present to an activity instead of a clock, it will start to feel more natural and less like a chore you have to get through.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it bad if the baby sees me on my phone sometimes?
It is not about being perfect. We all need to use our phones. The goal is to be mindful and to make sure you are also carving out dedicated time for one on one interaction where the phone is not a distraction between you.
What about taking pictures and videos? That requires a phone.
Capturing memories is a wonderful part of being an aunt. A great approach is to take a few pictures when you first arrive, and then put the phone away so you can actually be present in the moment you just captured.
Does this apply to having a TV on in the background too?
Yes, it absolutely does. A constantly running television can be a huge distraction for both you and the baby. It adds a lot of noise and competing information to the environment. Creating a quiet, calm space makes it much easier for both of you to connect.
